I really do have some intellectual things to say... but being invested in them enough to write essays on them... That's a commitment i'm not really trying to make in my spare time. And that bothers me. I have all these wonderful ideas and concepts, but yet my monkey ass always decides to be simple. Like everything is only about me. That's not why i think. That's not why i write. It's not about me. It's about those around me who i want to be better. those who push me to work harder, and making a difference. (I promise you this won't be one of those kinda blogs.) I'll say this lil bit more and get to it.. Ever since Cousin Randy passed in November, I've been trying to figure out what kinda experiences i want to have before my time is up.... As if i haven't done enough with my life yet. I'm not satisfied.

Being around a few new friends have gotten me interested in this "higher culture" bullshit. Conflicting, yes. I like speakeasies, i like places that no one knows about, i like clubs and groups that are exclusionary... and i hate the fact that i like this kinda stuff. I like to play dress up, and i like to feel more important than i am (maybe that's part of being in dc, lol) and things like that. I want a G37 convertible and i want to be around people where my g37 isn't SPECIAL. (which kinda contradicts the whole theory of me being an elitist, huh?) I don't want to have to loan out my shit to people, because i want them to have their own. I guess it's that vertical movement shit where my uppity ass thinks i'm the tallest midget, but i'd prefer to be the shortest giant. (wonder if that makes sense). I hate talking, thinking, being like this.. I feel like one of those out of touch ass hampton kids i hate so much. Hell... when i think like this i feel like i'm falling into the hampton stereotype. My father didn't raise me to be like that. well lemme rephrase it.. my father didn't really RAISE me, but he took over after my mother grew tired of tryna whoop my ass. (Think Tre going to live with Furious Styles in Boyz n the Hood? That's me.Not hood at all, but that's the type of parental structure i have.)
I don't wanna be an out of touch selfish bougie "Our Kind Of People" type negro... but.... My experiences would push me to at least examine that. It's quite conflicting. I don't want to compromise my people (I'm big on my people. It may not show, but this is why i choose to teach.) by living lavish and teaching out in suburbia ... wait.. did i say living lavish and teaching? psh. anyways.

All I'm saying is, I like having a different kinda fun. I think a lot of people liek to feel important. It reassures them. Now I'm not looking for reassurance (cause if i did, all i had to do was pledge while at hampton, lmao) but i mean it is nice to have your ego stroked. ego. not a metaphor for anythin else lol. Unno why i'm compelled to write this. OH YEA I DO. i was about to watch crooklyn, then i decided i was gonna watch the inkwell instead. Funny how one little thing can trigger a whole bunch of thoughts.

Hmm. I'm prolly not even gonna watch the movie, maybe i'll just lay back and listen to bill withers... always seems to make the day go by.

and me blogging is posta help me clear my mind? shit. :-|