If you read my blog... this one might make you not wanna read anymore. And I respect that. but...

First off. Congrats to the 2010 Graduates of Hampton University. You busted your ass (well, some of yall) and you made it out. Do it big. Blah blah bullshit, but it's an accomplishment, be happy that you've made it this far. You're not done, go on to do great things...

*throws record out the muthafuckin window*

This shit is right on time. I was pissed DURING graduation, I was pissed AFTER graduation, i was pissed at work today, and i was pissed when i came home.

So i got on twitter (yanno, the abyss.)

and they were talking about hbcu's. Yes. right on time.

So. Back to hampton university.

Fuck this school right now. Great that the president was there. Hooray. I support that. But you lost me when you didn't even MENTION. MENTION. the two seniors who passed in completely TRAGIC fashion this school year. Granted, one of them was like a little brother to me, so i might be a little bit biased. But one of the reasons i went to a hbcu was because I grew up in a white neighborhood (where i was one of 3 black kids in the whole 2nd grade... i think it was 1 of 20 for the whole elementary school or some shit) and i wanted to understand my people better. I didn't want to be the delusional "educated" out of touch black person. I didn't want to be afraid to be around black people. I didn't want to bring home a white girl (lol, sorry). I didn't want to think (or be brainwashed) into thinking that all black people had to offer was the headline on the news.

I'm glad the president was there. That gives me both ends of the spectrum. That gives me the selfish, triflin, negroes who are alumni, boosters, students of hampton university, and then the president.

Let me stop. All of yall don't fit in this, like all people who graduated from Stanford (if you don't know me, that's the ONLY school i didn't get in.. so i lust.) are geniuses or some shit. Don't let the degree and the seal fool you. And i guess that's my thing. Just cause yall graduated from a hbcu, don't mean you my brother/sister.

Let's keep it real... If you graduate from a pwi.. (i'll use the example of the ones i applied to for the rest of the convo) If you're a journalism grad... What's more likely to get you interviewed? The Mizzou/Northwestern Degree or the Howard/Hampton degree? And i'm going to stop, because i know grads from ALL of those schools, and they KNOW i love them dearly, and they are some talented mf'as(talent will shine wherever the fuck you are.). But I'm also not doing the hiring. It's like when the beautiful chocolate woman is walking down the street... and they say, "Oh she's cute for a dark skinned woman" like being fucking chocolate is a handicap. I hope that makes sense.

Ok wait. I'm from the english department at hampton university. The word signifyin and coon may not be appreciated anywhere else the way we do. (well coon, but... digress) I have PRIDE in my department. that was/is my family. Many a night explicating brought us together, and that's why i still beat myself up about wanting to teach there. I LOVE MY DEPARTMENT. and i have no problem saying that. But that was as big as my community existed at hampton. I mean sure you find some people that you care about, but overall? I was really let down. There's a few professors that had a major impact, and i appreciate that (ESPECIALLY being in education), but maybe my perception of actually being a community was skewed. Damn you A Different World.

I should ask my friend about why he thought little hampton and big hampton existed.
Little hampton were the people who were really interested in making change amongst the things that went on, and then big hampton was just the student body. I wasn't a lame in college, so it aint no hostility with that. Little hampton didn't consist of a bunch of awkward "revolutionaries" that would ostracize people at a blink... ok not ALL of them. But what bothered me was that little hampton was getting smaller, and big hampton was getting... well bigger. Of course president harvey likes his money so he'll just let ANYONE in. (not true at all, but that's my sentiment. Have paycheck, will travel.) Now let me step back. Big hampton isn't full of stupid people. These people are geniuses. no sarcasm. There were some extremely brilliant people who came thru big hampton, great gpa's and in grad/law/med school... I'm with it. What i don't get is WHY they're there.

and now we're back to graduation.

One thing Dr. Foster forced down his thesis class's throats was the idea of community. We were so fucking oblivious to what each other was saying/trying to say, that we couldn't help each other. We were so stuck in books, that we always thought that some dead philosopher (and gates... who just used way too many fuckin words to say nothing :-x ) was the end all be all of what we knew. Like we had excluded and discounted our community from being at the table with this discussion, just because it was intellectual. It wasn't like we hated each other. we hung out with each other after class, drank together, and just chilled. We were friends when it was time to bullshit, but we couldn't use each other as a resource when shit was important? Bullshit. I think i got it (because I was older than the folks i took thesis with... that's another story) but they didn't. But WE (the community) grew into understanding. why? Because the thesis class before us came back, called us, helped us, guided us... and shit like that. It wasn't no finding forrester type shit, but there was a bond between the people who had already handled it and the people who wanted to be there. It's like Reggie Miller talking to Steph Curry about how to shoot. And suddenly It made sense. and then we have crosstalk. we're looking at the same thing, but see two different things. and we talk about it, and we LEARN. we have applied what we see as truth, and had an intellectual conversation about it. Community works together to get the job done. After we had individual mock defenses outside of class as a community, we defended our thesis... and after that we celebrated. TOGETHER. I aint saying you gotta be all up on each other, but what i'm saying is, we all are in it together. If some of those english majors aint call me before class, I woulda missed a few tests. That's appreciated.

Graduation. No reference of 2 INTEGRAL parts of the graduating class' identity. If you came to hampton in 06 and you didn't know cousin randy or theo... you didn't really go to hampton. A great gesture would of been to have the parents get their child's degree from the president. A graduation memorial. A moment of silence. I wonder if the family even got tickets for graduation. I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE i just missed it, and that's my fault if i did. but damn i dont remember ANYTHING. If a part of my community isn't with us anymore.. I'm doing everything i can to keep his spirit with us. But that's just me. I'm an old head. And here's the transition.

The culture is changing at hampton. I've been there long enough to notice (LMAO) and i don't like it. In previous years... they woulda NEVER let that shit happen. Before facebook and twitter was big... we were tighter. Ask about the class of 08 and all the trouble we got into as a whole. Members of the same department weren't even clapping for each other when they walked across the stage. I have memories of friends FALLING OUT because THEY did it. THEY remember all the nights THEY worked had, and THEY got thru it to get to this point, cause THEY realized it wasn't JUST ABOUT THEM. and you're telling me you can't even fucking clap for a classmate? It wasn't like it was 3082503850285 of them. it's like 25 of them. Granted everyone is tired, and it is your day too... but SHIT. The identity of people just scares me. And THEY'RE NOT STUPID !! that's the scary part. These book smart folks scare the SHIT outta me. they can apply some logic when it comes to writing but can't see the ramifications of not being part of this community. Being in a selfish, I'ma get mine bubble while everyone around you gets exploited WILL catch up to you. And maybe this
isn't about hampton. Maybe this is about my people as a whole. and i just happen to be sparked by some events that just HAPPENED to be at Hampton. There's a tradition that happens in the english department after graduation, and most english majors(who are there now)can't even tell you what it is. Why? because the school let the professor who started the tradition (or at least upheld it) Leave to go to western kentucky university. Black man, leaves hbcu for wku. Hmm. That's fine. one monkey (no pun.. lmao) doesn't stop the show. These graduates were supposed to carry the legacy. Do what those before you did, and pass it on. Community. And they didn't. And it KILLED ME.





Want to know what the tradition was?


To take a picture as a group, showing your degrees. with the professors who helped you get to this point.

And now it's gone.

Oh my community.

Edit: I don't know it all. And I dont have a soapbox. And I'll write more about this, i promise. If you disagree, and you think i'm full of shit, PLEASE. LET ME KNOW. that isn't a challenge, but i just really value what people have to bring to the table. And I'm not trying to downplay ANYONES education. a degree is hard work, fuck what you're talkin bout. lol. I'm just ranting, cause i'm worried. I'm watching the thing that i thought that was posta save the people (education) go the wrong way.

And, uhhh.. please don't tell president harvey on me.

I think i've finally figured out WHY i write. It's not just for me. I mean my words and my experiences mold my writing, but it couldn't be that selfish of a meaning. There's gotta be more behind why i feel compelled to scribble down thoughts into blog posts. (and no it's not to be internet famous... Although i'll take the attention) One thing that people will tell you about me, often i lack a filter, for good and for bad... But they can always expect the honesty in all i say/do. Sometimes it pisses people off, offends them, ostracizes me... But very seldom do i step back from the situation and think "damn, what i did/said wasn't consistent with the truths i believed at that point in time." i might have gotten some new information to disprove my "truth", but the decision i made was contingent on me believing it as such. Hope that makes some type of sense. So back to why do i write... (this is one part, my real life lack of focus. People like that.) People are actually reading my blog. I thank you for it. Seriously. You know how much black folk hate reading. But what i've gotten often, i've typed out what my readers have said/thought at one point in time. Not that i've typing some upper level stuff, but that it's another avenue for them to get reassurance that it'll be ok. Quite a few people told me, "yea you and i are on the same page... It reminds me of when i...." and thats gratifying. Because in a world where all of us want to be told that it'll be ok, and be accepted (insert comment about how i couldn't care less about other people's validation) by someone. I'm not putting myself up there as if i'm important and people should look to me, i'm just saying that sometimes a voice that isn't yours who has a story like yours is comforting. Yanno, that shared experience shit from skip gates (everyone's favorite negro :| ) that i love throwing out when i'm ranting. Let me find out im talking about it and still have no idea wtf it means. Lol. It's just nice to know that you're not in it by yourself. Funny i just was ranting yesterday about how i was feeling alone. So in order to fix that, i guess i try to make sure that no one else feels the same? *shrug* pretty anticlimatic ending to the blogpost huh? Time to clock in, yall be easy.

As Raphael Saadiq- Doin What I Can starts to play on the ipod. Yanno music tells a damn good story. I hope to be able to do that with my words. "i'm just doin what i can". Aint that the truth.

I was going to write something.

It's lonely in this world i live in now.

I'm damned if i'm on my intellectual soapbox, cause god forbid that i actually think beyond the surface, but it's a hell of a lot easier if i just shut the hell up. Until i look at myself in the mirror and try to figure out why i'm here. Conflicted. The path of least resistance isn't gratifying, but damn doing/acting/saying what you want (or feel the need to, and actually having purpose behind the actions) is so very tiring. I'm not tired... yet. But sheesh. Sometimes i feel like when i switch from the bullshit talkin, drinkin, loud ass B. Woods and actually just exist as Brandon, with real life issues... there's no one there. And that isn't saying that people are just stupid or anything of the sort, but you keep people around for different capacities. you have the friends who can play ball, you have the people you drink with, you got the folks who will keep you on the academic focus... everyone has a purpose. It's a big ass cost/benefit (as all relationships are.)


When I want to think, and talk about social things, or things that i worry about (My main thing is education, and the development of black men in society but...) It gets really quiet. The thing about conversation is that i dont join it in to hear myself talk, or be the center of attention (because honestly i hate being the center of attention), but i do it to learn things from other people. My understanding is developed by the sharing of other peoples understanding. I don't know. Right now i feel like i'm just going thru the motions. Not the motions of every day life... well na fuck it. everything is monotonous. I need some intellectual stimulation. and before you suggest to read a book... It's a little bit more than that. In my quest to figure out how to save the world, I've forgotten where to look for assistance. not to be confused by inspiration. Being alive is inspiration enough. I don't need anyone to inspire me.

My head hurts. BUT. a not so random "ex" who always finds an ass backwards kind of way to make me smile... yea. wtf am i doing with my life. lol.

First off- I have an interview for a teaching gig in ny tomarra. BAM.
#2 My little sister (and ALLA the family) will be here this week... YUHS.
#3 I've decided to become more serious about writing. I reached out to this incredibly talented writer (@ http://www.untiligetmarried.com), and he shot me back an e-mail. Talk about gettin a kick in the ass to do things... there we go.

So about this title.

Everyone I know is pretty much in the 20-25 range... The range of confusion, chaos, frustration, and things of the sort. I'm going through it too. I'm stuck in D.C., not doing what i want to do, unhappy with my living situation (being as i've had and paid for my own place since 2004) and various frustrations. To counteract that, I've made a conscious effort to be a better friend to those around me, because i know that shit is real, we're all four seconds from losing our minds, and sometimes it's just good to vent, have a drink, or just avoid the real life shit that is challenging, yet scary as shit at the same time. Be the support system. Not asking to be the priority, but damn, we're in this together. I don't know... Like for me, it's hard being a hardass all day at work (black man's defense mechanism, which often ends up being his downfall..)... and then can't just let your guard down after work. It's not asking someone to be a crutch, but sometimes just being at the club/lounge doesn't cut it. There's some lifestyle traits that need to be developed now... We're not in college, and yes it sucks, but I got your back, hope you got mine.

The people that i usta rely on in college aren't there. And I'm one to disappear, i know that... but it's like maybe the proximity really aided in a misrepresented relationship? We were cool because we were there? It's the Ron Burgundy, "I love lamp. Do you love lamp because you saw it?" It's that kinda thing. Not the text message in the am that just says have a great day that makes you smile... not anything like that because it's an out of sight, out of mind kinda thing. Understanding that life is hectic as shit for EVERYONE, shouldn't you be more inclined to go out of your way to make sure that the people you care about are ok? This isn't a bitter rant... It's just observation...

What I'm trying to say is essentially, when people go to "find themselves", they always seem to disappear... and granted, some personal time is needed to evaluate things, but don't forget that you is molded by the experiences and interactions of the people who decide to ride with you through it.

This blog was weak. I'm not satisfied with it, but damn the boondocks is comin on tonight... you'll get your fix from there. lol.