I was going to write something.

It's lonely in this world i live in now.

I'm damned if i'm on my intellectual soapbox, cause god forbid that i actually think beyond the surface, but it's a hell of a lot easier if i just shut the hell up. Until i look at myself in the mirror and try to figure out why i'm here. Conflicted. The path of least resistance isn't gratifying, but damn doing/acting/saying what you want (or feel the need to, and actually having purpose behind the actions) is so very tiring. I'm not tired... yet. But sheesh. Sometimes i feel like when i switch from the bullshit talkin, drinkin, loud ass B. Woods and actually just exist as Brandon, with real life issues... there's no one there. And that isn't saying that people are just stupid or anything of the sort, but you keep people around for different capacities. you have the friends who can play ball, you have the people you drink with, you got the folks who will keep you on the academic focus... everyone has a purpose. It's a big ass cost/benefit (as all relationships are.)


When I want to think, and talk about social things, or things that i worry about (My main thing is education, and the development of black men in society but...) It gets really quiet. The thing about conversation is that i dont join it in to hear myself talk, or be the center of attention (because honestly i hate being the center of attention), but i do it to learn things from other people. My understanding is developed by the sharing of other peoples understanding. I don't know. Right now i feel like i'm just going thru the motions. Not the motions of every day life... well na fuck it. everything is monotonous. I need some intellectual stimulation. and before you suggest to read a book... It's a little bit more than that. In my quest to figure out how to save the world, I've forgotten where to look for assistance. not to be confused by inspiration. Being alive is inspiration enough. I don't need anyone to inspire me.

My head hurts. BUT. a not so random "ex" who always finds an ass backwards kind of way to make me smile... yea. wtf am i doing with my life. lol.