As you prolly already know, I'm trying to save the world. I'm not trying to be rich, or famous... I dont need anyone to validate me... But two things i'm passionate about, taking care of my little sister, and trying to save the black community, i often have the serious tone when discussing.

Here's a new issue. Everyone knows that i'm set on saving black people. (not that i'm the savior, but damn i want to be active in assisting) Not that other races dont need help in the educational field, but if you can't take care of your own, who will? It's conflicting because sometimes i feel bad that i'm focused on techniques to be effective in black neighborhoods. You know what? It's not just any black neighborhood though. Even though West Bloomfield (where i grew up) has its fair share of black people (now), I just don't feel a need to teach there. I guess because of the average household income, the money the school district gets, and the higher likelihood of parental involvement out there makes me feel like these kids dont NEED my intervention. (i say all of this like i know i'll make a difference. Behind all this big talk and these idea is a big bundle of fear that i'd fail.) Socioeconomic status + race = my mindframe. I guess you could say i'm a critical race marxist? Does that exist? I feel like i need to read more.

Speaking of reading... This is what i'm reading now. The Trouble With Black Boys and it's got me motivated to put myself in position to help. I'm convinced that i'm going back to school, which means that I'll be making less money since i'll be spending more time getting another degree, but i'm hungry right now. I need to do it before i grow complacent (which is prolly #1 on my personal worry list)with the situation i'm in now. I miss being challenged. But if i don't challenge myself, i'm a sorry mfa. I should never have to look for someone else to challenge me. If you can't get inspiration from yourself, you're doing something wrong (imo).

Nonetheless, the new issue is me explaining why i want to teach without sounding like a racist to the hr department or whoever decides to interview me. In almost every interview i've been in, it's been a white person interviewing... And it's the scariest shit ever, because for the first time in my life I really have to use a filter. When they ask me "why do i want to teach" I'm so uncomfortable. I can talk about it to random black people (because i swear they have a shared experience/background), I can hide behind this blog and say what i want, because i'm sure i'm not gonna get a job from this blog, but when it comes to being professional and potentially employed in a position of molding these kids... I worry that my opinions may be too much. Not because they're white superiors, cause i rub a LOT of black people the wrong way with my opinions (ask my current employer). But i dunno, teaching is a little bit different, because I'm around the kids more than the parents are in a lot of cases. You put me in a classroom with some impressionable kids, and now we got a bunch of lil nat turner's in mr woods' classroom (Which i wouldn't mind, cause at least the kids believe in SOMETHING.) I worry. I want to save the world, but my ass is too scared to say what i believe in. I can't discuss socioeconomic injustices, point out inconsistencies and bullshit in the system in my interview... I'll NEVER get hired. it's like i have to learn a new song and dance.

Ok done for now.