But real life will do it to you. But there's some things that i would love to just type, get outta my head. Nothing really for people to read, but one day, someone will come across it anyways so i'll just preface it as me goin off in the head. Stream of consciousness writing that has nothing to do with anyone else but me. When's the last time you've done something for yourself? I struggle with that. I'm always giving to others but never make it an issue to give to myself, or i'll halfass my give to myself to say i did it.

(sidenote: saw the most BEAUTIFUL thing on the metro yesterday. A bunch of 14 year old girls were playing on the metro. Bout 7pm. no parents, just being kids. Not a big deal, but on the post work ride home, us adults aint tryna hear that shit. they're runnin up and down the metro, yellin across it... people gettin irritated, and its their stop. One girl runs to the front and waits, but notices that a lady being pushed in a wheelchair is behind her. She stops and asks the dude pushing her "Yall gettin off here?" and steps to the side, tellin them to go ahead. How she went from drawing the ire of the whole train to makin me smile with that one gesture made me not want to give up on the kids. I musta smiled for about 2 minutes on that one.)

Ok back to me (look at your man, NOW LOOK AT ME). But life is hectic and i have failed in maintaining, generating, and just the general upkeep of my relationships. And for that i'm sorry. Not sorry to them, but sorry to myself. Now I'm not being conceited or anything it's not like i'm saying OH they need me to grace their presence... but I like the people around me. and i like being around them. that makes me happy. I need to do a better job of being around them. And as i write this, I'm sitting in a house on a saturday night... where my friends are playing beer pong, and there's a notsomuch ex that is single and in the city and there's a friend who is leaving for the army on monday.. and i'm in the house writing. What the hell woods. You talk all this shit about things you wanna do, yet you're not being proactive in getting them done. That reminds me. I have an email i need to send. Tomarra. For now, I'm going out with my friends.

But at least i'm writing again. :)