First off: i'm listening to Zhane- rendezvous. if you dont know who Zhane is.. you might wanna ask an adult.
ok.
What i am tired of... is building up black women who are the shit. I'm talking about beautiful, intelligent, introspective, caring black women who allow ignorant men to destroy their self worth. I feel like i went thru this on the last post. but it's still evident now... at 23. i thought those games would disappear as we got older and started to appreciate the talents that we have and the things that we all bring to the table. apparently not.
edit: Before i go any further.... I understand that everyone needs reassurance.. and i SUPPORT THAT. positive reinforcement is GREAT. what i don't like is the fact that its so needed to reinforce people. it's supposed to be a pick me up, not a crutch.. hope that makes sense. I want everyone to do well.. ESPECIALLY my people... and even more... my women. my mothers, my sisters. Those who play the nurturing role in whatever capacity they happen to be in. you can't have a teacher who doesn't know the subject teach... it just won't work. we need to uplift those who need to be uplifted, i'm not mad at that.. because the investment in time and energy will be given back because if they really are about shit and worth the time.... they know what to do.
Carrying on.
I mean and i'm sure my boys (well... my intelligent boys) will agree, it's a LOT of work to repair that kinda shit. ESPECIALLY when you actually wanted to be with them or get to know them.. (you kno how the friend thing goes... you're friends because she doesn't want you, but you hope inside that maybe like the great steve urkel, you'd wear her down)... anyways. Then you start talking ( and i have no problem listening) but then you realize that this woman that you think is the shit (and others will agree) ends up being in all kinds of fucked up situations... and she's done it so many times that she ends up thinking it's her fault that all these men around her have contributed to the situation. so when she gets to someone who can appreciate her worth (whether they're dating/courting/whatever the hell) there's a hell of a lot of work to be done.
I've always wanted an infiniti G35 (but dont tell lexy). So it's like appreciating the G35 from afar, gettin ready to make the purchase, and then when you read the carfax... find out that the shit has been in a few accidents, but you wouldn't notice it until you took the time to read the carfax and get it inspected. from the exterior and just at a walkthrough, looks primo. Do you buy the car knowing that it's gotten in some collisions and needed some work to be done ? kinda the same thing with a relationship with a woman. big investment (money = time/energy/patience etc.) to rebuild it and make sure its legit ? I mean damn how much breaking down and going backwards can a person do before the decide to give up? that's like havin an option to buy an accord, a solid car with less problems (for less money=work) or havin a g35 that you'd have to take apart and put back together. i mean at the end of it , sure you'd have a g35 in one piece but SHIT how much time effort and things of the sort are you willing to put in to get that g35 ?
It's all cost benefit. and it's not even that people want to take shortcuts, but think about it.. if you're constantly giving (and it's not that she's selfish, but she doesn't know how to reciprocate ), how long does it take before you feel neglected ? that's like having to mop the floor, but the person who was posta sweep didn't do it, but yo momma told you the shit had to be done in 2 minutes. not only do you STILL have to do your shit, but you have to overcompensate for someone else's sorry ass.
K it's 1:30 am i got stuff to do. i kno i do. lol. now where to start. by gettin offa this ...
Don't you realize ?!
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3 comments:
lol @ your examples.
You're really nice and you should just let these women be just that... women. After so much effort you can either tell them as a friend that they need to realize their worth, or just let it be. It's not really your responsibility, and some girls feed on compliments - get 'em where they can.
"Damn, I hate my legs..."
*waits for compliment* lol
I would just be cautious of people who try to use you. Personally I hate when people just complain all the time. I don't even allow those people in my life - all that fucked up energy. If I'mma deal with a conflicted individual I at least need some sex. Damn the moping... if you just told them you like them... and they're still in a state or sorrow. Time after time. Let the bitch breathe.
And I mean that sincerely lol.
unfortunately mr woods u have just described what most men will eventually have to go through and decide to either stay or walk away from the situation.
for the most part, this is the type of woman u will find. someone who is intelligent, beautiful, outgoing, caring, and so on only to discover that she is insecure about one thing or another or has expectations that she wants u to live up. no, it may not be her fault however it is def up to her to want to change.
yes, i say shower her with as much love as possible bc 1)thats who u r and 2)thats what she needs in order to change however its ultimately up to her to want to change and look for different men than whom she would normally date.
if u decide to stick with her she will eventually (i hope) come around and appreciate u and how u treat her (at least thats what u would think right?). if not, move on to the next bc your bound to find the right one for u!
son, i had this same conversation wit Boris Kodjoe, my dad and the few brothers in the room after I saw the Jasmine Guy directed version of Ntozake Shange's For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is enuf. It was great. I always enjoy that play, but the question I asked Boris was just that, "What the hell do we do with all these women who are so damaged that we spend have to spend more time in the body shop than we do on the road" Their answer was simple, keep reassuring her that you won't be the one to hurt again. And while I agree partially with that I think the issue is a bit more complicated than that. We as men have to try to find ways to build the women in our lives up even if we're not entering a romantic relationship with them. I say drop that one. And keep her on as good friend, but don't get caught in doing so much work on the fixer-upper that you miss the good buy on the short sale Aston Martin with horse power that says she's ready to ride. I mean I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.
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