Generally when things go bad, there's not too many people to blame but self. Bills not paid? prolly shouldn't of taken that girl on that date and spent 100 for a meal... got a headache? aint no one tell your ass to drink all that alcohol. But when it comes to issues of the heart... I always seem to be a failure, and dont know where to pinpoint it. It's not that i dont try to figure it out, i really do.. but it just doesn't make any sense to me. I try to live my life in an appropriate manner, but all this nonsense makes no sense to me. I could understand if i was set on fucking all these women (see: people you know, in oct 27th post), or just didn't give a fuck... i would expect these kinda things to happen. Today's post isn't really something i would normally write for the (12) people who read this blog, but more so cause (cue up cliche) writing is my release. since i'm on that... I LOVE when people say that in attempt to look "intellectual"... kinda like when the fake poets talk like... WHEN THEY TALK LIKE... when THEY talk like thissssssssssssssssss. but I'm writing for me.. cause shit is crazy.

So: from the top.

Went home (yaay for michigan) once again didn't see my ex. that's fine. after 2420943208432 years it finally makes sense that we're not even friends. that's 5 years of not seeing her. it's funny how false perceptions really fuck you up with your expectations. People who know me... (or just have been reading what i write for YEARS) know that i went through a very difficult time letting go of that relationship. but when i finally did, i tried to keep it friendly (like it was in the basis...) ehhh.. (insert kanye shrug?) this one doesn't bother me that much. in fact not much as all, except the fact that we had just had a conversation 2 weeks before i got there. wasn't like she kicked me to the curb and i was just too stupid to get it, lmao. ok now that i got that outta the way..

I am all kinds of ignorantly attached to this woman that will not date me. lmao. it's comical cause she knows how much i care.. she knows she makes my days great. and all that nonsense. i mean its funny making a transition from my ex above there to her here, cause i hadn't felt about anyone remotely the way i felt about my ex, until her. eunno. all of these things are related. Anyways... generally the first person i talk to, the last person... alla that shit. nothing. she wont be with me. she cares about me... but we wont be together. once again... dont like the way it worked out, but i came to terms with the situation (well... on some days, lol). but she tells me that there won't be any me and her... so she tells me to try to find someone (because, mind you, in all of this stupid shit i do... i just want a relationship)... and it's just a mess.

Ok i can't write any more of this shit right now.. like i'm not in the mood to do it.

I hurt. and i don't know why. it's not one specific thing, but damn if 1000 things don't just happen at once.