So it's 2:20. And i'm awake. And i hurt. I dont know what the fuck you were doing... but i'm sure that if/when i find out... it'll all make sense in that "damnit randy why are you doing it" kinda way. please dont tell me you were preppin for miami... i can't hear that, after me and gary gassin you up for that trip. Tell me you were making fun of sterling, and just being that uncoordinated just caught up with you. That's the story, and i'm sticking to it. (ps- they're gonna retire your 00 jersey... yea you're stuck with it now)

On a real basic level... I was blessed with a little sister... and then i got your dumb ass. And even when you and mike were goin thru with it, you knew that if you ever needed anything... i had your back. Hell i let you drive lexy! I tried to teach you the finer things in life (LIKE HOW TO TALK TO OLDER WOMEN) and in turn you drove me nuts. Headache after headache... wondering if it would ever make sense to you... but you know what... it was great. The older you got (ps- i aint forgot you dodged me for your 21st birthday, bitch) the more i saw you figuring out what you wanted to do... and that made me happy. I don't get it man... you were gettin there. i hadn't had to smack the shit outta you in a WHILE. we were just at the bar last friday... and you were throwin up all on the lexus! like, i just dont get it man. cap and gown, tryna get that party promotion thing goin, had you a nice lil thang on the side... mannnn you were set to do great things, waaayyy past where i was at your age. As much as i'd never tell you (because you'd let up) I was proud of your ass. not proud of the manatees you would slay so much, but you were learning. I saw that when we were at velvet last week. I remember when you got that weak ass system in your car... and didn't have the mind to ask me nor darin for any help. what a waste of money. you've come a long way.

What i'm tryna say in my own backwards way...

I appreciate havin you around, my dude.. and even tho you messed up my favorite shoes, had sex in my house, ate all the oatmeal cookies, took alaina and ronda away from me, never made a pass on the cousin, and all that other shit that i usta cuss you out for.....

You were family. Don't forget that.

r.i.p. normal guy... lmao.

OH WAIT... AND WE ALMOST HAD TO BEAT SOMEONE'S ASS.

this is why you can't let a bunch of people from the D be in one spot.

of course... Audia told the story about how we met. :-\ lmao. yea now everyone knows. lol.

First off: i'm listening to Zhane- rendezvous. if you dont know who Zhane is.. you might wanna ask an adult.

ok.

What i am tired of... is building up black women who are the shit. I'm talking about beautiful, intelligent, introspective, caring black women who allow ignorant men to destroy their self worth. I feel like i went thru this on the last post. but it's still evident now... at 23. i thought those games would disappear as we got older and started to appreciate the talents that we have and the things that we all bring to the table. apparently not.

edit: Before i go any further.... I understand that everyone needs reassurance.. and i SUPPORT THAT. positive reinforcement is GREAT. what i don't like is the fact that its so needed to reinforce people. it's supposed to be a pick me up, not a crutch.. hope that makes sense. I want everyone to do well.. ESPECIALLY my people... and even more... my women. my mothers, my sisters. Those who play the nurturing role in whatever capacity they happen to be in. you can't have a teacher who doesn't know the subject teach... it just won't work. we need to uplift those who need to be uplifted, i'm not mad at that.. because the investment in time and energy will be given back because if they really are about shit and worth the time.... they know what to do.

Carrying on.

I mean and i'm sure my boys (well... my intelligent boys) will agree, it's a LOT of work to repair that kinda shit. ESPECIALLY when you actually wanted to be with them or get to know them.. (you kno how the friend thing goes... you're friends because she doesn't want you, but you hope inside that maybe like the great steve urkel, you'd wear her down)... anyways. Then you start talking ( and i have no problem listening) but then you realize that this woman that you think is the shit (and others will agree) ends up being in all kinds of fucked up situations... and she's done it so many times that she ends up thinking it's her fault that all these men around her have contributed to the situation. so when she gets to someone who can appreciate her worth (whether they're dating/courting/whatever the hell) there's a hell of a lot of work to be done.

I've always wanted an infiniti G35 (but dont tell lexy). So it's like appreciating the G35 from afar, gettin ready to make the purchase, and then when you read the carfax... find out that the shit has been in a few accidents, but you wouldn't notice it until you took the time to read the carfax and get it inspected. from the exterior and just at a walkthrough, looks primo. Do you buy the car knowing that it's gotten in some collisions and needed some work to be done ? kinda the same thing with a relationship with a woman. big investment (money = time/energy/patience etc.) to rebuild it and make sure its legit ? I mean damn how much breaking down and going backwards can a person do before the decide to give up? that's like havin an option to buy an accord, a solid car with less problems (for less money=work) or havin a g35 that you'd have to take apart and put back together. i mean at the end of it , sure you'd have a g35 in one piece but SHIT how much time effort and things of the sort are you willing to put in to get that g35 ?

It's all cost benefit. and it's not even that people want to take shortcuts, but think about it.. if you're constantly giving (and it's not that she's selfish, but she doesn't know how to reciprocate ), how long does it take before you feel neglected ? that's like having to mop the floor, but the person who was posta sweep didn't do it, but yo momma told you the shit had to be done in 2 minutes. not only do you STILL have to do your shit, but you have to overcompensate for someone else's sorry ass.

K it's 1:30 am i got stuff to do. i kno i do. lol. now where to start. by gettin offa this ...

....which may or may not subsequently save black women, which in turn can save the black family.
Lemme start by saying this. i LOVE my little sister. i'm talking, background of my cell phone, photo on top of the computer, keep a pic of her in the car, special ringer, all that kinda stuff. But that's the problem. You know the recent news when the father shot the boy who was having sex with his daughter ? Men across the U.S. (especially us BLACK men who grew up in this Black Exploitation Television age) felt him. Because on one hand, some of the people we knew in college, who we still say what up to.... be fuckin bitches, and smuttin these hoes out. let's keep it 100. Most of us know someone who is just tryna get some pussy and has no problem sayin that. it aint no manipulation or no bullshit, he aint hittin the girl no shit like that.... but he's in it for the pussy, and as soon as you know it, he's beating the freaky broad in the shower. Imagine that it's only gettin worse. Because if you graduated college in 08.. you knew that the class of 09 was the last year of reasonable people and shit that came with it.. it's only gettin worse..... you knew exactly why he shot. and shot. and shot. and... shot.

The first one was just for being triflin and fuckin in his house (he can't shoot his daughter.. c'mon)
the second ? I don't even know you. I refuse to believe my daughter is having sex, but if she is... i'd like to know the mf'a (so i can kill him if something happens)
3- he's 18 and she's 16 ? Enough said.
and the most important thing is...
if the daughter had been in his life for 16 years.. THATS 16 YEARS OF SLEEPLESS NIGHTS WORRYIN ABOUT SOME BULLSHIT HAPPENIN TO HIS CHILD...

can you imagine the bullshit that a person thinks about when he gets home from work (which may be at 5:30, a whole 3 hours after high school is out..... which is long enough to get into all kinds of trouble.... *not that i've done anything :-X* ) and turns on the news to this?

"16-year-old boy beaten to death in Roseland"
"Police: Gang rape outside school dance lasted over two hours"

Generally, Niggashit happens with men. Let's be forreal. Women may be petty, and they might like each other, and occasionally they'll go to blows.. but men ? I'ma have my son learn how to throw em (oh wait, we dont fight, we shoot now :-\) because even sayin hello is an asswhoopable offense to these simple ass men. we fight over people looking in the wrong direction, minding their business, just being around. like come on.

Now that makes me want to whoop someones ass and it aint my child. Come on. But the thing about girls is... girls dont do girls as bad as boys do girls. and a lot of that is sexual based. if it aint physically "fuckin" the girl, it's callin her a bitch, or makin her an object... throwin money at her (which leads the girl to think that the pussy is the end all, be all.... like she aint got shit else to offer, cause simple ass men can't appreciate personality or intelligence... it's SANDOS or keep it movin.) it's perpetuated thru the work of the male.

So where was i going with alladis ? A group of friends... a bunch of intelligent, articulate, ambitious people i know.... are all scared to have daughters. Myself included. Being a male... I think i can teach my son better than i can a daughter (and that's evident in the expectations i give my male students, external of classroom stuff) but i think it's more that... being a male... i know what kinda stupid shit we do that can destroy the black woman.

I'll have more, but blogging doesn't pay the bills so i got to finish some work.

Be easy.

It's an 8 lane freeway. 4 goin north, 4 goin south. I feel like 90% of the people are going the other way. (i refuse to say wrong way, because i'm not going pass judgment.. yet) But I see that the end of the freeway is an abrupt stop... causing cars to plummet to their death. They don't see that (rather... they might see it, but don't truly acknowledge it). I try to save them, but at what point do i stop trying to save them, to make sure that i'm ok ? We do things that takes care of those around us without completely messin up what we have to do. Sure i'll give you 3 dollars. hell no i won't give you my last 3 dollars. (an example of that is.. I want to get paid. If i was only about getting paid, i woulda robbed,killed, sold drugs or something of the sort. i'd make more money doing that than anythin i'll ever do legit. But it's you want to make the most money you can without selling yourself OR YOUR PEOPLE out *this goes to you Mr. Johnson... * ) Anyways. Do i try to cross the median to prevent all these people from going to their death ? and even if i do that, and tell them that the way they're going will lead them to their destruction and the ones they care about (which is another issue because a lot of people only care about self :-\ ) who's to say that they'll be receptive to what i'm trying to say ? But they don't hear me tho. so people you know.... are leading off the cliff, and what do you do ? It's only so much talking and showing you can do before you just say f it, because at the end of the day, you try and try and try to save your people but they... (wait for it ) don't wanna be saved. how to save a bunch of ignorant, greedy, selfish mf'as who you call your people... who don't hesitate to steal from you, kill you, and lie to you (like we don't get that enough from people who are threatened by us ...) just to get a dollar. There's an proverb somewhere (i need to find it) but the just is...

The trees relaxed because they saw the axe had a wood handle.

Think about it. As a black man, there is nothing i enjoy more than seeing my people do well. I take that back. nothing more than seeing my people do well, and paying it forward... But DAMN i like to let my guard down every once in a while.. and i do it for black folk, because i feel that we have a shared experience (Gates - Signifying Monkey ) (wait... FUCKING SKIP GATES TALK ALL THAT GOOD BLACK MAN SHIT AND GOT HIM A WHITE WIFE.) and we can help each other. FUCK no. only thing worse than a white man is a black man who thinks he's white. i mean the white man aint sold no one out... the black man who thinks that money makes him white... has turned his back on the black folk that helped him and damn the white people still laughin at him. man if i continue to rant i'll be up all night. I can go about addressing the 90% of the freeway all night.. but i'll go back to it later ... for now i'm gonna just chill and do some real life work.

With all this bs said.. i do love yall. even if i have no faith in yall... my stupidity leads me to believe i can trust in you. how bout that. and more importantly.. i want US to be free.

“I freed a thousand slaves I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves.”

-Harriet Tubman..

last thing: if Harriet Tubman said that back then when they were whoopin the shit outta us daily.... what the fuck makes you think that it's different now ? in fact it's worse... Niggas and flies.... i tell you.

it's the first post here. I dont think i need to introduce myself... because if you're here, then you prolly know me. if not, you'll learn to know me thru my writing (hopefully). I'm not writing this to make people like me more (because half of this will make you like me less) but because writing clears my mind. Before you can be honest with others, you must be honest within. and that's where writing comes in handy. You write it, you step away, and you come back to it later. There will be times where i'll seem like a big softy, but then there will be times where i'll seem like a complete asshole. it balances out. or i'd like to think so. it shifts, the older i get. Anyways... for today :

Focus: Occupational Joy.

As a 23 year old college grad... things have been difficult (as it's been for everyone, i'm not oblivious)... so put the economy + the fact that most college grads lack experience = shit. It's a tad bit different in my world. This year was posta be grad school. I "had" everything lined up for Hampton to pay for my grad school, and got a job with nasa contingent on me being a grad student... needless to say all that fell thru... but i'm still in hampton (even though i'm not in school).. Being in a place where you don't want to be, and have no purpose really humbles you.. and keeps you up late nights trying to figure out what's going on. I don't know about a lot of people, but complacency isn't something i partake of often. So i guess this post is just about how real it is... nonetheless.. I was blessed to get a job working at the school and actually teaching freshman comp... in some odd, ass backwards, kinda way. (notice that i was posta be in grad school, now i'm grading freshie's papers) Whatever. Initially, i was ecstatic that i was in a position to just jump into my role as an educator (if you know me, you know i'm adamant about educating people ESPECIALLY young black men.. that's another topic) but more and more, every day, learning the nuances that occur.... i've fallen out of the educational bliss i once was in. It's already one thing that we dont get paid... That's not even the issue i'm gonna hit... but it's a damn shame when you can't get the reinforcement you want/need in the workplace. It's one thing to not be financially compensated, we know that going into the industry... BUT to be under-appreciated is something that hearing the phrase "overworked,underpaid and underappreciated" doest even START to prep you for it. I dont have the tools i want to teach HOW i want to teach. I can't go out and purchase them because i lack money. see how it works ? can't get paid, so i can't make advances. What did Blackstreet say ? You've got to pay to play. Did you watch the state of education on msnbc, or for that matter, black in america? how come those things never sit down and talk to the people it's influcing NOW. it's always someone older trying to implement their idea of what works. and i'm not mad at them for makin moves (because deep down inside, i believe that there are waaaayyyy tooooo many sorry ass people that are the face of our generation .. another topic) but i'll be damned if there aint anyone .. ANYONE who can give another viewpoint. I know 20 people off rip who are more intelligent, articulate, aware than i am. how come they aren't asked? Sheep. Sheep i tell you. the real people who can promote progress always seem to be forced into the role of the outcast. Why ? because the people who are the "movers and shakers", those who are in control of everything... lead you to believe that those people with new ideas are actually the enemy. it's the whole big propaganda theory. Moving on..
So it's just funny how professors now (the older established ones.. ones you would say KNOW what they are doing) have a specific way that they teach... which works, because they're on their way out (and they still don't know how to use a computer.) i'm not mad at them. they know what they know, and they teach the shit outta it. But in a world where everything is now tech oriented, don't you think there needs to be some sort of generic crash course in implementing technology into classes, so not only do you learn the subject, but there's a creative, articulate way to merge your sit in front of the computer, text messaging, webcam using, tweetin life with your academic life. I guess that's why i'm here. Hi I'm Brandon Woods. I'm supposed to be the connection between the I.T. world and the Educational world. I'm supposed to apply myself in a manner that can save the world. apparently i'm bright enough and captivating enough to do it. Fuck that. I got a sister to take care of. How the hell you want me to save the world and you aren't even concerned about my well being ? So at this point, i'm going to be done with education. right after i give these midterms to these kids. This post really was boring. I know it was, but i was staring at these papers and i just went this way. stick it out yall.